Horst Rellecke

John Welding

Ina Rubloff

More Migraine Art

Ina Rubloff, from 'The Girls of Summer', 2004. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"How validating to find that there's a whole community of people who draw their pain! Before I discovered it, I kept my daily drawings to myself because everyone said they were 'grotesque' until I met Dr. Hain. Further, there's the ever-present problem of people not believing an illness which they cannot see."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, May 25, 2004)

"Please know how much I appreciate your kind attention to the issue of migraine aura. I never thought I'd live to see the day that describing visual and other sensory disturbances could be discussed openly and without shame. 'I know this sounds crazy but...' is such a heavy load to carry."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 7, 2004)

"As I continue to discover long-lost migraine drawings, I will be happy to send them. I'm long on unfinished sketches and short on completed drawings. I wonder if there's a common denominator among migraineurs who rarely finish their work. "

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 20, 2004)

"Going through old drawings has proven informative & cathartic but have been slowed down by migraine."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 22, 2004)

"Sorry all of this has taken so long. My heart was in it but the Demon Migraine has been relentless the past few months and it's been difficult to complete any task including finishing sentences!"

(Email to Klaus Podoll, July 23, 2004)

"My poor old computer took a long time to download the 6 MB file of your first draft of this webpage, but it finally arrived in its entirety. I wish you could have seen the look on my face when I saw the first illustration (from 'The Girls of Summer' who continue to plague me) larger than life! It was the first time I realized that there is, indeed, a grotesque nature about what I put on paper."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, July 29, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Untitled, 2003. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"Except for 5-10 minutes when I really cannot see anything but bright light, I choose to draw as a method of distraction. Perhaps there is a part of me looking to 'hang on' to reality - as I seem to slip in and out when the aura is overwhelming."

(Letter to Klaus Podoll, August 9, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Feel everything - Feel nothing, 2002. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"As if involved in an exorcism, I carefully draw every colour and shape or nuance accompanying visual distortion - as if engraving it into the paper will remove it from my body."

(Letter to Klaus Podoll, August 9, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Untitled, 2002. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"This is pre-migraine... trying to 'squeeze out' the headaches in hopes of making the aura dissipate."

(Letter to Klaus Podoll, March 25, 2005)

"I was diagnosed as a migraineur in 1970 and about four years ago, very suddenly, my symptoms became much worse and more constant. Following MRIs, CT scans and other neuro workups, I learned that I also have Meniere's syndrome, along with - but apparently not at all associated - lattice degeneration in both eyes."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, May 25, 2004)

"I first saw Dr. Hain in August of 2000 after an MRI had already ruled out stroke and brain tumor. I had symptoms so similar to those my mother had after her cancer had metastasized to her brain, that I was too terrified to speak. I brought a friend who 'listened for me' and asked the questions I was able to scribble down, but all I really had were several recent months of drawings to tell my tale... It wasn't until June of 2002 when Dr. Hain couldn't find a cause for the blinding light that was making me fall so often (even typical Meniere's vertigo didn't do this) that he - or perhaps my internist - suggested I check my eyes. I was examined by a retina specialist who made a diagnosis of bilateral lattice degeneration."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 8, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Basic Aura, 2002. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"Migraine aura - without headache - in the past few years has been nearly constant and resembles the image shown in Basic Aura. The movement of the lines varies wildly; sometimes there is no movement except for the 'sparkling bright lights' which are transient. When I close my eyes, I still see what I see with open eyes. Tinnitus always worstens a few minutes to a few hours before the onset of other symptoms."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 8, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Aura Variation, 2002. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"As the aura worsens, hours or days later, the lines may or may not be moving as much, but more territory is 'peppered' with white and/or bright yellow spots, occasionally another color, areas vacillating between concave and convex (see Aura Variation); usually numbness takes over one side at this point, beginning with the tongue, lips, nostril, corners of the eyes, fingers and toes. This is when I decide which medicine to take, based on side effects and cost, not necessarily in that order. Numbness in jaw allows me to press hard on the temporal mandibular joint to relieve some of that pain. It begins to look like a spider web pattern."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 8, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Aura Through Blood, 2002. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"By this time (see Aura Through Blood) I can no longer tolerate light and wear dark glasses all the time. As it was explained upon examination by my retina specialist, this means that the vitreous has thinned enough in an area to tear away from the retina, creating a small pool of blood behind the eye which, in turn, reflects too much light. Nausea and vertigo worsen. I see lots of spider webs evolving into 'bouncing bricks'. Although I have large black floaters, it 'seems' dark red which I've assumed was due to light reflection from blood behind the eye."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 8, 2004)

Ina Rubloff, Disoriented, 2002. © 2005 Ina Rubloff

"Finally, the spider web pattern clearly looks like planes, squares and rectangles of various depths, moving constantly - akin to 'jumping checkerboards' or 'dancing bifocals' (see Disoriented). At this point, vertigo and nausea are severe. I'm usually falling a lot and feel quite confused."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 8, 2004)

"By the time the symptoms first took this peculiar turn, I knew it wasn't the regular balance problem I experienced with what I knew as Meniere's. These balance problems from 'the earth moving' seem quite different from the 'tipping over' feeling of Meniere's syndrome. There was severe and constant aura - but DIFFERENT aura than I'd had. There were no tactile problems, no funny smells, no numbness, just walls and floors changing positions and intolerable brightness in one eye. By this time, the tinnitus (apparently associated with something neuro) was so bad, I just assumed my judgment was too impaired to even describe what I was feeling. It seems unlikely that I'm actually seeing through blood... but, to a layman, it also seems unlikely that the person next to me wouldn't be able to hear my tinnitus!

Once my internist and Dr. Hain ruled out more serious possibilities, I got to a retina specialist. Although he, himself, wasn't particularly interested in the drawings as diagnostic tools, all of his staff who saw me first looked at my drawing (Disoriented) and said, 'Lattice degeneration -- are you a diabetic?' I am not, by the way, diabetic, although lattice usually is a diabetic complication.

Ophthalmological examination confirmed a diagnosis of lattice degeneration requiring the first of a number of laser treatments to repair tearing vitreous. Now that the lattice degeneration is diagnosed, I see the retina specialist upon each recurrence of the blinding light that makes me fall so often (even typical Meniere's vertigo didn't do this). The laser surgery is instantly successful. Within ten minutes, my surroundings have stopped moving and the only 'spinning' is from within. Often, some aura remains, but it's no longer debilitating."

(Email to Klaus Podoll, June 8, 2004)

Author: Klaus Podoll
Last modification of this page: Sunday March 13. 2005

Horst Rellecke

John Welding

Top of the page

Copyright © 2005 Migraine Aura Foundation, All rights reserved. Last modification of this site: August 25, 2006
Thanks to: RAFFELT MEDIENDESIGN and GNU software | webmaster@migraine-aura.org

http://migraine-aura.org/EN/Ina_Rubloff.html